Things have been calm lately, not too much worry happening and I think that’s a really good thing.
July 4th was fine but I fell in the depression hole and lost control for a day or two. I also was too tired to see the fireworks but I had a good barbecue with my parents.
It’s weird to see your parents, who were once infallible beacons of humanity, get older and struggle with things, its hard to see them for imperfect people they are and it makes you realize that nobody really has any idea what they’re doing in their lives.
That knowledge would seem pretty useful when faced with paranoia and anxiety about what people think because according to your brain you’re the imperfect one and everybody else has their shit together, but in the heat of the moment you completely forget that you’re not the only one struggling.
It’s hard to see the imperfections in other people when your world is actively crumbling in around you.
I think part of that also has to do with the fact that everyone is in the starring role in the movie in their mind. I know I’m extremely guilty of being self absorbed but it’s hard not to be when you think everyone else is out to get you somehow.
Overall, this week showed me that people are imperfect, even the ones you’ve looked up to since you were a kid.
I think that realization is part of being a fully cognizant human being though, if you still look up to people when you’re 32 years old you might actually have a problem.
Parents are imperfect, friends are imperfect, your idols are imperfect. We’re all just messed up human beings living on a spinning rock flying through space.
Knowing that can either cause or anxiety or calm. You can either worry or you can look at it through the lens that nothing actual matters so why in fact are you trying so hard?
I could definitely use that comfort in the midst of some of my more disturbing spells of delusion and paranoia.
I guess the moral of the story is, don’t put too much faith in people, just focus on being the best person you can be with the resources you have at your disposal.
Things tend to work out.